"These are the principles of life and you need to listen carefully and follow my teachings".

religion20This was what was mandated to me when it all started in El Cajon with my self-proclaimed spiritual adviser introducing himself to me. At the time I thought it was very cool to have a spiritual adviser and I greatly admired this one. As time went by and I continued to progress in my studies, problems between us arose or perhaps more correctly, problems arose within me. I realized that I was allowing this individual to tell me how to live my life, what I should be reading, what I should be writing about, what I should be thinking, invading every aspect of my life. His intelligence was superior to mine and I was going to hear his lectures whether I wanted to or not. I realized that I was staring at a massive ego and proselytizing behavior from my past and that I needed to stand up to this, stand up for myself. So I broke the oscillation with this individual and put to bed my proselytizing past. Immediately I noticed a change in my behavior. My writing seemed better, at least to me. I was thinking for myself again, so refreshing.

other world67Recently I have noted a similar reaction within me as I interacted with another individual. I was feeling anger and ashamed for allowing another to bully me around. I analyzed this for several days when one morning upon awakening I realized that although I had quit proselytizing I had not released that old energy from my past. Instantly I felt something lift from me, I felt lighter; I felt the lightness of my being. As I write this now several days later I am reaffirming within myself that I am not here to preach to anyone, or to teach anyone.

I am able to suggest a course of study and a website to visit but it all ends there. My focus is on myself, to heal myself. It is a full time job for me, all I can handle. As for the proselytizers and self-proclaimed spiritual masters, I let them be.

Gary Kainz

Submitted by: Gary Kainz on 11/17/2014

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