Boxed in

For many years, I’ve awakened from sleep with my head feeling numb, extremely nervous, and not breathing on my own. During those sleep time episodes, I found myself unable to breathe automatically and had to mentally force myself to do so because, of my own, I could not. Room darkness didn’t help either. This also happened while lying down and awake, suddenly taken over by the thought that I would never again breathe on my own.

It happened again last night, but for the first time, I felt I was bound-up face-up suffocating in a tight dark box. To say the least, I am extremely claustrophobic if not tearfully delusional when faced with such situations, but mostly when lying down. I finally fell asleep after hours trying, but when I woke up, that nagging feeling that I was trapped inside a tight box persisted. I also felt much anxiety and anger, but things got a whole lot worse when pictures of being buried alive in a dark airless box came to mind and I literally freaked out.

I then came to terms that I was once knocked unconscious and then buried alive after getting into an argument. For the first time in I don’t know how long after that realization, the last twelve hours I’ve been able to breathe without having to think about it, or feel anxious. What a relief that is!