The following is a series of letters based around a reliving I recently re-entered concerning an old, dear friend of mine whose presence in my life seemed to be inspiring very peculiar behavior and thought-patterns on my part. Much of the work-out that took place happened literally as I was writing the letters, and so you might notice a change in tone even mid-letter, as a certain realization takes place. This workout builds very well on the understanding I developed in my testimonial The Actor, the Lady and the Loss. It is one of the most liberating workouts I've experienced, because while in the reliving, I knew my behavior was being strongly influenced, and yet I couldn't understand how, why or how to stop it.
I did figure it out though, thanks in no small part to my dear friend Tom and the Brothers. I hope you all can gain something from the experience too.
I've had a most interesting few weeks, busy with all kinds of activities. For instance an old friend of mine, Ellen, whom I've known since junior high school contacted me, as she has done sporadically in the many years we've known each other. In school, Ellen was always living in different places, in different foster care environments, but she could contact me on my phone any time. (I've had the same number since I was 14.) The last I'd seen her, (she's just a little younger than me,) she'd just had her second child. Now the baby girl Olivia is a year old, and Ellen's son Jordan is 2.
Well Ellen is 6 months pregnant again. The babies all have different dads, two of whom I don't know. The reason I'm telling you all of this is because there's a curious dynamic between Ellen and I. When we were in high school together, we didn't really share any of the same friends, but we had a certain connection that kept us talking. I was always amazed at the people she would tell me about; really scuzzy characters. She seemed somehow able to become acquainted with all the most negative, destructively inclined people at our school, while I by contrast didn't even know the names of most of these people! Our school was NOT that big.
I remember thinking even back then at 16 or 17 that she was tapped into such a much lower frequency of association than I was, bringing her into contact with countless people that my higher self regularly steered me away from. I knew that our own past lives together had forged our connection, but it was. . . how can I say? Isolated? I mean that other than the connection between the two of us, the synchronicity in our thought-life patterns seemed virtually non-existent.
Despite a lack of intellectual stimulation, as Ellen is notoriously unmotivated in anything but being a mother(which is something she's very good at in my opinion,) I have always found a strong sense of comfort in her presence. She tapped an inner strength after her first child was born, and I remember feeling a great warmth by it, for I'd known the strength was there for her to grasp all along.
On the surface it really doesn't seem like we would be friends, but the connection is undeniable. I relate to her in the child caring sense, obviously, as I've always had a passion for working with children. I also greatly enjoy playing with her kids in particular, who have connections to me in their own rite.
That inner strength Ellen has, past her quiet, often all-too-complacent exterior, keeps me drawn to her. I get the sense that she is a much more experienced soul than she appears, but a number of psychic shocks have scarred her and blocked off portions of her mind to her.
Writing this letter has already made certain things more clear, but I also recognized that being around her immediately triggers certain well established thought-patterns that take me out of my objective mind. She, I believe, is compelled to reach out to me when she needs a certain positive polarity, and I'm more than happy to allow the brothers to work through me in that sense, but I was wondering what advice you might offer to me in keeping myself clear for them to work. I'm still unaccustomed to the feelings and impulses Ellen arouses in me, as they are quite complex and I don't have much perspective on our past-lives together.
I did not start this letter with the intention of going into so much detail about me and Ellen, but it sort of flowed once I started writing. But then who ever said I was the one in control?
I look forward to hearing any input you might have. Always with love, Forrest
Dear Brother: I was thinking about you recently and wondering how you were. Now I know why.
As I was reading your letter I was being shown a series of pictures that relate to you and Ellen. I will tell you what I saw and felt and then you can decide if it is pertinent to you.
I saw Ellen as a prostitute in an ancient Roman brothel and you being a person who cared for all the children who were born from this activity. You developed quite a close relationship and sympathy for the women who lived such a harsh life. Ellen was one who you drew to you in a very loving manner. There are other lives where you two were in subservient positions and learned to rely on each other – even up to the present time.
Now, as far as helping her in this present age – Remember Forrest, no one can help another unless he is completely objective. And because you two have an emotional tie from these many past life experiences, it will be almost impossible to be a clear channel for the Brothers unless or until you personally work out and release all emotional ties to your fellow man and become a person with compassion and not sympathy – which is negative to us. The difference in these two energies is quite striking and we definitely would feel the relationship between them.
Because of this fact, our mission is to concentrate on emancipating ourselves from the emotional ties of this earth world and let the Brothers help Ellen and all others through their own Superconsiousness, where the help does the most good. However, as we strive to win our own battle of Armageddon, those who we have association with are naturally helped through our connection to the Higher Worlds. This comes about without our conscious knowledge or deliberate effort – it is the principle of Harmonic Attunement.
I hope this helps you understand and can equalize your feelings. In Love and Light, Tom
Thank you very much, that clarifies certain thought patterns I've been wondering about. There's an element I'm still missing though, that I feel would unravel the strong ties I feel.
The last stint I went without seeing Ellen was longer than usual, and the spiritual progress I've made happened during that time. Now that we are in touch again, she also happens to live just 7 minutes away from my new apartment. It seems I am now in a prime position to finally resolve this karmic tie, as I am better equipped for such a thing, and more inclined to accept that I must let go of certain emotional constructs that in their very design make such a release very difficult.
When I'm not around her, there is a compulsion to go and find her, and when I'm with her, there is a tangible resistance to leaving. Perhaps this is partially rooted in my worry for her well-being in Rome, and what she might get up to if I'm not around.
Well, let me rant a bit more about the situation, and perhaps in the writing of it things will become a little clearer for me. Ellen also has a younger brother, James, whom I've always gotten along with quite well. He's a product of circumstance in certain ways, listening to crappy ghetto music with gauges in his ears and a typical young male ego, but he has a loving soul and a healthy relationship with his sister. There's a certain bond between he and I that perhaps goes deeper than our mutual desire for Ellen's well-being. James is living with Ellen, and so when I've spent time with her lately, it's been the three of us plus or minus the kids, with the occasional addition of James's girlfriend, Sabrina, whom I get a pleasant vibe from as well.
In fact now that I think on it, there exists a certain harmony with the four of us; a comfort in company and a certain likeness of minds, despite obvious fundamental differences that exist due to my spiritual inclinations. James is not completely unaware of non-terrestrial life though, as I learned after inquiring some just yesterday. Jeez, as I say that, there's a strong desire to help foster his understanding. That's not uncommon for me with young men, as I often feel a desire to mentor them, should they seek my guidance. It's always with particular individuals I get a certain vibe from; a sensing of potential. I'm not saying I'm going to start throwing concept at the kid, just that the desire to help guide him surged up very strongly just now. (Don't worry though, I remember well my lesson in when advice should be administered.)
Anyway, there's also Ellen's semi-psychotic(in my opinion) mother, who obviously has never been a reliable parent, as Ellen WAS in foster care. Hannah is her name, and she is around on occasion too.
I bring her up because she, like James, has always liked me, and she along with others of Ellen's friends I encounter will get in conversations with me and Ellen and say things like, "Why didn't you have a kid with Forrest?" or "I think you should just marry Forrest." Or something along those lines, which Ellen and I gingerly dodge around and mostly ignore. There is a part of me though, (which regularly does battle with my sense of reason,) that responds well to these comments, first and foremost because they appeal to my ego, and second because the thought of having a child with Ellen has crossed my mind many times in the past several years. (As I said though, that's definitely not something I intend to go for, for many reasons, ‘reason’ being the key word.)
Anyway, I know there's a deal more to learn here, and I'm excited by the prospect of a resolution to my karma in this. Any insight you have on the information I've just provided would be most appreciated. I'm especially interested in what you might have to say about James, as it seems I overlooked the importance of his role in this until I started writing this letter.
Dear Brother – As I was reading your letter, so many experiences crossed my mental antenna. You certainly are reliving the many episodes from your past. These psychic attunements will of course reveal themselves as you progress into a more heightened state of awareness. This is typical of all students and is why we began the web site. As each student becomes more aware of past life ties and conflicts, the act of posting them as a testimonial serve to cancel out these pernicious effects from our past.
Our true mission is to relieve the pressures in the psychic self in order to conceive and live in a completely different consciousness that will draw us to the Higher Worlds within Infinite Intelligence. I usually don’t enter into past life readings, however on occasion the Brothers show some past for a student to get him started on the path to see his own psychic negations that are holding him back-spiritually.
What is so fascinating here is that as you write, you are realizing the answers to your many questions! I can only encourage you to continue in your efforts to analyze your emotions toward various people and events – Thus, you will certainly receive answers from your Higher Self and the means of disentanglement through constant study of the Principles!
My Love & True Self will always be with You, Cosmon
It seems only good and proper that I finish out the workout and subsequent testimonial in the form of a letter.
Last night, before I got your latest reply this morning, I had something of an awakening. I was visiting with Ellen, James and Sabrina, and seemingly quite suddenly, I was aware of who Ellen is, or more specifically, how that differed with the image of her I was constantly superimposing over my view of her. “Rose-tinted glasses” doesn’t even come close to covering it. It seems that based on our earlier meetings both in our childhood this lifetime, as well as others, I developed a certain invented idea of who she was, and based on my interactions with her, she subconsciously tailored certain aspects of her personality, and hid others, to in some small part more closely match my idea of her, as I believe we are all wont to do. That is, behave how we believe people expect us to behave.
What’s more is the symbol in my mind that she came to represent, which added to the strange haze through which I was continually viewing her, and which held so much power over me. Ellen was one of my first girlfriends, and certainly the only with whom I’m still in contact. This closeness, added to by a sexual encounter with her later in our lives, however fleeting it might have been, appealed to many emotional vicissitudes that are oh-so-good at creating strong, animalistic reactions unhelpful to a higher state of mind and progressive evolution. Perhaps the most important thing she came to represent to me was my strong, and I mean strong, desire for a family. When Ellen began to have children, she represented to me the possibility for a family, and none of her children had a reliable father in their lives. Due to my love for Ellen and for her children with whom I connected with amazingly well, I unknowingly placed myself mentally in the role of that father. It was an alternate version of myself, unbeholden to the reality of my situation and actual relationship with Ellen; a symbol of the father I wanted to be, and whenever Ellen would suddenly step back into my life, so too would that alternate image of myself. It was from this other self that my strong, reactionary motivations surrounding Ellen came.
I’ve had problems before with seeing someone in a distorted sense; creating an ideal version of a person in my head and believing that was who they really were. This was different. The reason I couldn’t place what was so alluring about Ellen to me, why I craved being around her and her children despite lack of certain stimulation in our relationship I would normally think I required, was that around her I was stepping into a fantasy wherein I could play the responsible caretaker and father. The fact that her family could also see me as such, evident in their remarks like, “Why didn’t you have a kid with Forrest?” or “You should just marry Forrest,” only further added to this particular sense of self.
Given the general frequency Ellen and her close associations vibrate at in their daily lives, it is no wonder I felt at home in my caregiver, fatherly mentor role that I was semi-unknowingly placing myself in. I was the equivalent of a 2nd grader feeling high, wise and responsible for knowing and understanding more than kindergarteners. The danger in this of course, is how can I further my own development if the frequencies I am attuning myself to relate to those of a younger stage of development? I can’t. That’s called regressing. Not something we should be trying to go for.
I can’t adequately describe how liberating it is to suddenly be freed of strong emotional pulls I felt for so long and yet did not understand. I know that to keep myself from falling into subservience to a false self, I must identify that which I want most from myself, and find the best, most constructive method to achieve such a thing. This method will of course be presented by my inner, higher self in the classroom that is our reality, and I must only expect it, and never look for it in the world which I already know; the past. And that is what it was that I saw in my relationship with Ellen; a time in which that caretaker role was one of my higher expressions of life and so it filled me with the strong sense of fulfillment that comes with spiritual progress. Now, however, I am older than that, and so must find the next avenue toward progress.
Submitted by: Forrest on 06/23/2014
Tagged with: Voice of Venus